She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
