did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
