she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
