Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
