Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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