Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
