I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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