I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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