So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
