Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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