I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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