i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
