I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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