So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wear drunk well.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
