Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
