man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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