Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
