is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize