It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
