I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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