at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
