Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
