Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
