JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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