dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
