Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
