My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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