Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
