Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
