I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
