I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
