just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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