He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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