I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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