wanna go halves on a baby?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize