Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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