i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
