I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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