she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
