i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
