Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
