kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
