You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
