I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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