Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
