I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
