he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
