He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
