Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
