I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
