Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
