i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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