um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
