dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
