Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
