In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
