overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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