If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
