Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
