SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
