Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
