these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
