Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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