You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
