I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
