He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
