Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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