I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
