I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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