how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
