shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
