Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
