I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
