Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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