i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize